Words can't describe them....

From last one week I am trying to write something but I always type a few sentences and feel that I am missing out something. What is it?? Why I want to complete it perfectly ?? What is it that I am finding it difficult to describe?? When will I complete it?? From 7 days every night I sleep unsatisfied with myself .I know I can’t describe them in words but I want to have some memories. I know I am going to miss them, miss them more then I ever expected. I can only have their memories with me. OH God why cant I have all my friends with me forever??

Few months back I have passed through a very bad phase of life, a phase which I don’t want to talk about cause I want to forget it. After experiencing such a bad time I lost my trust nor did I feel like expecting anything from anyone. I knew I have to be a lot more careful in life. Nobody can be trusted, everyone is for himself.

Getting a job brought a lot of happiness for me and I was eager to meet new people for the training but there was something which was going in my mind on the 1st few days. I was totally confused. I can’t judge a person by the way he/she looks, what if I come across a bad phase again cause of anyone?? What if someone betrays me?? I don’t know why did these weird questions came to my mind may be cause I have experienced some bad effects of trusting people blindly. I see some beautiful eyes, some bright smiles ( things which attract me the most in others). I see people with simplicity. In todays world everyone wants to be noticed, everyone comes out with some unique style. Simplicity is lost somewhere. I feel the time has come that more simple a person, more are the chances of getting noticed. I see people who are very humble but I hardly spoke to anyone cause of my confused mind.

Days passed and I started making new friends. Every person I meet has something unique, something I can learn. I meet a few people who are not from my country, they come from Indonesia just for the training. They are honest and totally down to earth. I never expected to meet people who are so kind and have a big heart. I meet 2 Indians who don’t know Hindi which sounded a bit sad initially but finally I feel they are among the best Indians I met. I meet 2 girls who are highly determined and hardworking. They say "Machines never get tired but human beings do" but watching them working sometimes I feel that the computer system on which they are working may get tired but they never stop. I meet a girl whom I always suggested to relax but she always kept working and finally proved that " Honest efforts always gurantee huge success". She ended up being one of the toppers. There are many more people I met. Everyone is highly talented, everyone is so simple, honest and totally down to earth. Slowly my confused mind started trusting them and I started feeling a lot more comfortable.

Training was full of fun for me. My first aim was to have fun and the second off course was to study and clear all the tests that we had. Whenever I came to know about the tests I always planned to get a very good score. I use to set targets for myself. But i never worked accordingly. Sometimes I felt tired, sometimes I felt lazy,sometimes I had some work. Even a day before the tests I had the same expectations, so what if the time is less. But even on the last day I hardly prepared. Finally on the day of the tests I use to pray to pass, I prayed that everyone should pass. Sometimes I felt ashamed that from such huge expectations I came down to passing that too I have to pray for it. It did upset me but it didn’t change me, may be cause I managed to clear the test with a descent score. I do feel that I didn’t deserve whatever I scored. I thank God for making me a bit lucky during all the tests.

Few words I used frequently and people started teasing me by repeating them and kept pulling my leg
What the hell ( I use this when i hear something which doesn’t have much sense)
Whatever ( When i don’t care much about a certain thing )
Hey Listen ( To draw somebody’s attention to listen to me )
Where were you ??
What the f*ck ( sometimes used instead of what the hell )
f*ck
I never bothered much about being teased and I took it in a positive note. Infact i always had a laugh at it. They kept pulling my leg by raising questions on talent of Hrithik Roshan but I always stood up for the most honest hardworking actor. Very rarely I got a bit irritated but at that time I preferred keeping silent rather than continuing any discussion

I cracked many jokes. I cracked jokes to such an extent that people stopped trusting me when I was honest (What the hell !). I was hardly serious throughout the training and wanted to have maximum laughter. I have always hated people who think great of themselves but I hardly found any such person.There were times when I felt a bit different from others. Observing these simple people raised a few questions for me. Sometimes I felt Do I have a Ego problem?? Do I have a attitude problem?? Why do I get irritated sometimes?? Why cant I be calm like others. I wish to improve. I was learning many things from everyone. Everything was going fine.
When everything goes fine, everyone wants to continue for ever, even I wanted to but the last day of training was approaching. I knew that I am going to miss these people. The people cause of whom I forgot my bad phase so quickly are going to leave me soon. I started enjoying more, started cracking a few more jokes as days kept passing by.

The Final Day : I had a strange feeling, not at all sure what to do. Time kept passing by and the confusion increased. Later we all gathered together. Lights off and everyone was asked to step forward and speak a bit as the training is over. I dont know why my mind started wandering. I lost myself for some time. I started remembering the beautiful moments that I had with all friends. When everyone spoke I felt so proud that the person is my friend but when the person finished I felt that I am loosing someone very precious to me. People kept coming and going and I started feeling like I am loosing friends. I started feeling like a looser. I wish I could stop them. I wish I could explain them what they meant to me. Throughout the last 2 months I have been explaining a few not to get disappointed and cry in case of a failure ( I cant see anyone crying ), but on the last day I was highly upset and with moisture in my eyes I felt alone. I kept looking at them, I always talk a lot but today I felt like listening to them. I know I am not going to hear much from them in future. They promise to be in touch with me but there is a huge difference between being actually there and being in touch.

In the next few weeks I doubt I will come across all of them together. May be within a month everyone will form different groups for the projects. Nothing is permanent in life, damn it, nothing. May be after a month I will wake up early morning but dont find the excitement in me. I may miss a few friend teasing me . I may not find the honesty and simplicity ever again. I may miss the support, the kindness. They changed my life and made every moment a memorable one. I pray that they achieve big success cause they deserve it, I pray they get all the happiness in this world. I know its getting too long and I feel I should end it now but I still find it incomplete. I can’t describe them in words, I can’t describe such kind human beings in words. I can just thank God that I came across such wonderful people who brought a big change in my life and I moved from a bad phase to a wonderful phase in life. They will always be missed.....

12 comments:

Tala said...

nice work agian! i felt sorry to read that you are sad, so u really cleared ur feelings and observed them! cool style!
but dont loose your hope and happieness. you will get to know some new people that becom,e ur friends! of course u shouldnt forget your training friends but be open for something new!
keep going on!

Nithya said...

lots of last days...so many cry....so many share their feelings...and many say they miss each other.....this has been usual.but yesterday bein the last day of our trainin i was shocked to see you think so much about departing.....it proved ur high importance for relationships......it made so many regret for havin done somethin that hurt you......twas such a different psychological thinking that i ve never seen....cos nobody other than our parents think so much about us......at this point i m proud to say that i m ur friend...don worry cos this attitude of yours is gonna fetch you the most amazin relationships in the future....i would respect a man of character more than a man of watever quality and so u r ...keep goin...and i m sure every friend who has come across you ll etch this awesome relationship maker into their minds...a wonderful well wisher and in fact my motivator too.u ve been a push to me when i never knew any programmin language.......hats off...wishin u success for all ur future endeavours...blessed are those who are blessed with humaneness i say.......

AmOrTeNTiA said...

hey buddy i dunno wat to say........really an awesum blog...its ture u knw...its always hard to say a last gudbye to anyone.....i jus got around frm orkut for ta post was to rate ta blog above mine...i guess u r doin a gr8 job here........if u hav time check mine outtoo......bye for nw...

Ankush said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
invincible said...

nice post!! somehow while reading your blog i gt few old memories back...i could have write a very smiliar blog an year back ...nice writin style...

Roshan R said...

i identified a lot with that post too. went through a hell not many can claim to have faced in the last year.. betrayals and the accusations ( last story in section "THE STORYTELLER" ). I never thought i'd ever get through it... but i forgot to count in the 'friends' factor. in many ways, if im alive and writing fun blogs, it cause these guys believed in me. Its a phase we have to go thru to grow i guess. Now, yes, i too finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. and i hope you too have found the light

Samarth said...

dude.. take it easy...

n add one more to ur standard vocabulary... FU (use it all u want)

life is nt meant to be fukn permanent thats why it s fun..

so go ahead n njoy the new times...

keep it raised high!!

Inmatez Wife said...

Keep your head up. Value the time you have with your friends--and always leave room for more!! Hang in there. Very good blog.
http://memoirsofaimateswife.blogspot.com/

Kaze said...

Hey,

I enjoyed reading your blog. A lot of what you feel is how we all feel. A very wise person once told me that the only constant in life is change, so learn to embrace it. It's sad that nothing is permanent, but know that it's exciting to enter new phases like you are going through. There's always so much to be learned! Cherish everything you have. Good luck!

-Kaze
http://mysterytoday.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

good work keep it up...

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Shweta said...

Its a great post. It gave me a chance to relive those memorable days of our training. The days that tought us a lot & blessed us with a BATCH OF BEST MATES.Good work.

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