The Game of Life

Be nice to everyone and God will be kind to you. Be good at heart and you will have a good life. I am tired of all these crappy lessons. I always had a doubt that, i being good to you will only help you have a good life and not me. Today as i sat alone in the coffee house with 2 coffee cups, my heart is totally convinced that being good does not guarantee me good life, in fact it doesn't even guarantee me life.

It was few months back when i sitting here, same seat, waiting for her. My eyes use stare at the door expecting it to open and finally the door opened and she rushed in, she was a it late that day but who cares! We never had any rules to be on time, no rules on who's wrong, perhaps that's friendship. I heard about Sanjana Tiwari from a friend and right from the day i heard her name and all those coffee chats with her has been a pleasure.Sanjana , No , she was not just another girl. She was different and i meant it, seriously.At least she was not like a few of my boring friends.Sometimes i feel so happy to be away from them and meet her. Sanjana was someone for whom you would like to miss out those stressful office meetings, calls, that IT world where i see no honesty and make sure you meet her, even if it was for a 5 minutes. She was a stress buster for a person like me who sleeps, drinks and eats IT.She is someone with whom you would like to share all your jokes cause only her simple honest smile makes you realize their worth.

She was better than any of you can imagine, she had a very good heart. Its been long when i met such people, who give others more priority than themselves. Sometimes i use to wonder,whether she actually belongs to this world, i feel the world never deserved her. But she was a part of it. At times i use to tell her about some tough facts of life and how the world is so mean. But she always use to stop me and argue on it. The problem with her was that she use to think that everyone is like her with a clean heart. I being a big critic (a typical virgo), whenever told her to be careful from some people around, she use to get angry and quarrel with me. I never argued much with her on this, thinking that she was yet to come across the real world and when she finds it, she will learn herself but i was never short on suggestions.


We did spend many days at the Coffee house and all were memorable, talking to her was always fun. While i use to patiently listen to her never ending exam worries and she use to give me Tips on blogging, personal life etc...

Oh Preetam, you don't know how to end, the end has to be good only then it will have an impact on the readers.
Okay, stop shouting. A blogger is getting suggestions from a girl who is so worried about writing her exams. Hey it seems you don't know how to cheat. Do you want some tips ?
No, not now. in case i need them i will ask you 5-6 days before the exams.

Sanjana was a mix of everything.She was highly impatient at times, may be out of excitement but when really required she turns out be most patient.The best thing about her has been that she use to carry herself. I don't know , whether she learned it or she was unknown about it. She is highly immatured at times and you feel she is a fool but in the very next second , she will act smart and fool you. There were times when i used to enjoy some music in the coffee house,while she used to write something in her diary, sounds boring , doesn't it?? At times she use to forget her diary the coffee house boy use to return her next time. Coffee with her was better than Coffee with Gay Karan anyday. Having those never ending discussions with her are more memorable.

According to her, all elders must be respected blindly, while according to me people who deserve it, whether younger or elders should only be respected. They cant get any credit, just cause they were born before me. We had many differences, perhaps this was something which stretched out debates, discussions or whatever you call it for long.

Sanjana was a pure vegetarian, not only in what she eats , but also what she speaks and i being diagonally opposite to her, controlled all those non-veg jokes for which i might be famous for. It was fun pulling her leg but at times she would kick back hard.


How Sad! you call yourself a topper and you seem to be so worried about your exams, Shame on you!
How Sad! What a friend! instead of helping me, you are demotivating me.
OK, OK is it possible than i give Ur exams ?
I don't know, but NO
Why?
I don't wanna fail.

She was good at some silly jokes, which might not even bother you but she would laugh out quite loud at them, as if her jokes were the best.

The last day i met her , she was quite happy. She was going to mumbai the next day. Their was some worry about he upcoming exams as usual, but she was also excited about her mumbai trip.
Hey, Should i get something for you ?
Yes, if you insist so much. you can.
Huh?? But when did i insist?? Anyways what should i get?
whatever you like.
Ok.I just hope, i return and study harder, i wish to top again.
Oh, don't worry, good things are bound to happen with good people.
Thats like a good friend.

That day she left for mumbai for a week. I still use to visit the coffee house waiting for the week to get over , eagerly waiting what will she get for me. But i never knew this wait will be forever. 2 days later i came to know from her friend, that she was stuck in the mumbai terror attacks and she is no more. I was shocked badly and couldn't believe it at all. I mean , i just met her the other day. This news literally shattered me and i lost myself for some time. I didn't even had the courage to visit her house. I was deeply hurt and even till today i am finding it difficult to come out of it.

After a week i did visit the coffee house again, the coffee house boy returned me her diary which she forgot on the last day.I thought of reading it and i directly went to the last page of it.

Dear Diary,
I am so excited today, the world is so good and God is so kind. Finally i am going to mumbai. I know, i know, i should actually be stydying for my exams but i feel, once i come back i will cover it. I have decided to get some gifts for a few people, a bit confused about what should i get for this fool sitting in front of me. Well, i will search. i just hope i have a great trip and then some good exams.

These words from her made me totally numb. There was a day when she use to sit right across and talk about the beauty of life and i use to wonder, Will her goodness, kindness for the unknown world ever end ? I always felt the word Sanjana was full of life but never thought that her life will be short. I always thought that she will discover life in her own way but never thought that she will not even get a chance. I always thought that someday she will come to me and complain about the world but the moment she realized it, she lost her life.



Its been a month now and i have been regular to the coffee house, perhaps i am still expecting her. At times i still look at the door and expect it to suddenly open, i still order 2 cups of coffee thinking that she might return and ask me for those exam cheating tips. I know her absence has affected me mentally, but at times i still feel her presence and at times i keep expecting. Sometimes i feel , she might be stuck somewhere trying to come back, She might be stuck somewhere all alone wondering how will she prepare for her next exam, She might be somewhere confused about what gift she will get for me.There are so many people who keep harming others but why did God call someone who is harmless, someone who only knows good, someone who cant even think bad,. If deeds were to decide her future then she deserved to live forever. Unfortunately thats not the case.

Today its been a month and with time i have lost all hopes. I wonder, how can God do this? May be he was short on angels or may be even he has given up when it comes to this world. I just hope and pray she is happy somewhere up and and having a sip of coffee as i write. She must be waiting eagerly to see how i end this post. She will always be missed.

I prayed to God in deep pain,
As i don't know what should be tried
In reply i just saw a few drops of rain,
Indicating that even the God has Cried.

The year is about to end and its been a good one for me. I am happy not only for this year but also for one more fiction which i just completed and i hope you found it worth reading. Happy new year!!

Ok, tell me what happened this time?
(I asked a friend who was waiting for me at my favorite fast food place, McDonalds)
Same again, even she left me.:(
Oh... again!!Well just a sec, let me first get something to eat and then you can start narrating about your never ending breakups.One mcchicken for you and me, Is that fine?
Fine, but hey i will pay the bill
Ok i will have 2... very hungry, seriously..

(I got them finally but in the process a girl almost banged into me. God knows, when will they learn, CAT walk is only meant for models and that too only on Ramp. As i reached my table, i can make out that my friend was very upset. After all he had one more breakup, something he finds very difficult to overcome. He reminded me of a person i knew very well, he reminded me of a person who is no more, he reminded me of myself 1-1/2 years ago. I am reborn. But i decided to be normal instead of expressing sympathy. I thought that may make him feel better after all he was paying for me. That’s true friendship, isn't it?)

Yup, tell me. What new happened this time ?
She Left me. :(

I asked, what NEW happened this time ?
(He was serious, and had only one thing in mind, he just wanted to overcome this bad phase which was giving him a very tough time)
Well last weekend, she wanted to watch a film and i was busy with my work but she didn’t understand and she got really angry. I tried calling her but she doesn't attend. You were right the other day about the the most confusing question is life. "What do girls want?"
Sauce.
Sauce?
Do you want some sauce?
No, i thought something else, i mean how can she be so bad, i mean from last 6 months she has been with me and just one NO for a movie and she doesn't wanna talk.
I don't think that's bad, i know people who stop talking to others without any reason. At least she had a reason. So what if it was just a movie.

But i was not interested in that movie and also I was having some work to finish
See, you like her, you must respect her wishes and try to fulfill them. Also she doesn't wanna understand you. Infact she doesn't wanna listen to you. How does it feel to be Himesh?
(You might think i was playing with him but NO, i was just being normal. i was just happy that i was not in his position, ye seriously i was happy with myself)
But what about my wishes ???
You are a boy.
I know it since childhood.
I never asked for confirmation. i know that. but you must also know, that it’s you who has to sacrifice if you are in a relationship with any girl.
Why can’t she sacrifice?
She has already made a very big sacrifice by choosing you. :P and you did not respect her wishes, Poor girl, Oh Girl where are you ? Let’s meet and i will take you for a movie.

(I think, he was getting a bit irritated, he might be thinking that i wasn't listening to him seriously but i was very serious. I wanted him to take such things in a lighter way)
You are not understanding the seriousness of the situation,I think i am wasting my time by discussing this with you?
I don't know about you but i can only give you 10 more minutes or i want one more burger.


I thought u must have be tired when you come here after office hours, but you seem to be full of energy.(Did i succeed in changing the topic?)
Well it’s the Selenium effect.
Are you talking about the drug?
No, i m not talking about the drug, it’s a Firefox add-on, Let me explain you, Add-ons are like plug-ins, which can be used…. oh forget it, you won’t understand, you crappy Call boy.
What?
Sorry , i meant call centre boy.
(Well, again he started his sad story, may be i failed..:()
Every time she wanted to shop, i accompanied her but just once i said NO for a movie and she left me. She thinks i am her pet.
May be, See i will advice you to leave her but she has already done that. You don’t need to do anything. She doesn't want to talk to you, may be she doesn't bother about you. Forget her Relax. Enjoy! Enjoy your singlicity. Live the moment

Can you please gimme a good suggestion? something positive, something through which i can get her back.
Well than you have to forget that you are a Man! Go and fall on her knees and tell her that you are her Dog and will remain for as long as she wants. See girls will come into your lives and warm your eyes but when they leave, they will kick your a*s and you will suffer and might not recover for 6 -10 months and you keep getting kicked. How many Break-ups.Take a break!

(He was not ready to listen, he was adamant, He was not at all happy with her but even then he wanted her. Is this love or is this foolishness?)
Can't you be serious, I need her, you don't know how much i miss her. I find difficult to imagine life without her.Please
(By this time i noticed some moisture in his eye, I have realized that it was Love, I don’t know what should i tell him. There have been incident when i have been at the receiving end and have asked people for suggestions. This time it was my time to advice him and clear out his mind, a mind which was totally filled with love for someone, someone who didn’t seem to bother about him, i finally decided to be a bit serious serious which has been quite rare off late, i decided to be honest without bothering, how he might feel)


Well lemme tell you few things frankly and do think over it, when i leave.What do you actually expect from me, do you want that i should call her and beg her. What will you get from it? Sympathy . I will advice you to stop having relationships for some time, stop those temporary ones forever. These relationships are good for people who have a heart which doesn't get attached to anyone, who forget about it easily. Such things are not for you cause u get attached easily. Who knows while we are discussing these things, she might have gone out with some other guy for the movie. You can't trust anyone after all. Don't think, what she might be thinking about you, there might be many people speaking behind my back and breaking my trust but i don't bother or value them. You know whatever you have done, you have done it with a good heart, so be happy with yourself atleast . Stop blaming yourself. I can understand you and can relate to you but then i know that its difficult but not impossible to come out of it. Infact its you who can make it easy.
How?

Smile, I have been waiting to see that since I came , Enjoy life, Forget her, Keep making new friends, Even if she comes back, leave her. A person who cannot understand you and doesnt even want to listen to u doesn’t deserve you even for a second. Instead of wasting time thinking about her, utilize your time to achieve something good, If not for anyone, at least achieve them for an angel who will spend her entire life with you unconditionally. How can you forget her? You are cheating her, without even meeting her.

ok..(this small ok dint sounded convincing to me, i knew it was going to be very difficult for him to overcome it)

Cheer up,i need to leave and before i become nostalgic like you and loose myself lemme remind you, if u have a Girl friend again, it will be you who will have to make sacrifices, it will be you who will be a Dog cause once again you are a boy. :)
Any advice on this?
Yes, the simplest way out is, have a Sex change operation.. :P Think over it.

(Finally a smile) :-)

Smile my friend, only then world will smile back!


While I was returning home, I was wondering, how much have I changed?I have just met myself . From being a person who only listened to his heart and never applied his brains in any relationship to a person who puts his brain to work more now,to a person who tries to find humour in anything and everything. Since childhood I have preferred to be open for new experiences. Experiences have taught me many things and as I walked alone I recollected many such things which din’t go my way and even till today I don’t know the reason why?. But these experiences have helped me to Rediscover Life in a different way and today I am very happy, while i advised him to take a break from break-ups even I have made sure that my life is on a big break from all the complexities and i also make sure that i enjoy every moment I live.

You have been there whenever i needed you, you wiped off all my tears and brought a smile on my face but what happened to you someday that even after being so near to me, we don't talk to each other. I always felt proud to hold your hand, but today for some reason i can't. I can't even tell you how much i miss you , may be i don't have the guts or may be i am a fool egoistic who is waiting for you to start.

Can you be with me again ? Can i share those same jokes, the laughter , those gossips with you again ? Why can't we all try to be friends again rather than remembering those silly fights and spoiling our time. Different thinking, misunderstandings, jealousy, competition and bla bla bla. In all these things we might achieve great heights, but keep fighting and keep loosing friends, keep missing the wonderful time we can have with them.

As time passes, i make new friends and i feel happy about but the happiness doesn't stay long cause at the back of mind i also know i am loosing friends. Some have left me and i am not sure whether i will meet them ever again. I don't know whether i will see the same smile, play the same pranks on them again?? I don't even know that someday if i ever meet them , will i actually feel the same comfort again ?. As time passes and as distance increases, relationships weaken leaving some evergreen memories which we can't forget. After all friendship is the most wonderful relationship but at times it doesn't get the value it deserves.

I have passed through phases and i suppose everyone passes through a phase where we loose friends. The reasons can be very weird at times but somehow we convince our heart that it was enough to leave someone all alone. How sad!! Forgiving mistakes is something we never learnt. From somewhere we pick up a small reason and say good bye to a good friend , a friend who has given company in our toughest times, a friend who supported you even when you lacked support from your family. Once the friendship is broken most of us never try to be the same friends. The simplest question that i wish to ask you is What do you actually want ?
1. A Good time with a friend or a 2. time spent alone trying to convince yourself that it was not your mistake.

There were days when just a single friend was everything for you, an unconditional support, your power through which you felt most powerful and never hesitated to fight any battle, finally a shoulder which was just meant just for you. After being together for so long and sharing so many things, why do friends actually separate and their relationship breaks even after they still coming across each other ? Why can't they compromise and live the same way, they enjoyed ? Life has been funny, you win some and you loose some. Same holds true for friends. Nobody wants to loose but everybody has but even then nobody wants to compromise!

Few months back, i use to enjoy the weekdays more than weekends cause it was these days when i met some close friends. Time has changed and so have many things and i eagerly wait for weekends when i can attend my music lessons. On weekends (besides loving my music lessons) i see a bunch of new friends who receive me with a smile and then come those weekdays when i come across a group of people who made me feel so proud someday that even the thought of leaving them use to make me feel sad but today things have changed, they have changed, their priorities have changed. Well Priorities should change with time but that doesn't mean that the old priorities should be treated harshly, rudely.But you know i have never given up so easily (i actually don't remember when did i give up last time), and i think nobody should give up when it comes to winning friends.

Today you might remember a friend as someone who was with you for years but he can't be with you now cause some silly thing went wrong between you and you both decided to separate your paths and the time when you must be having those funny moments, you end up being alone. You don't have someone to listen to you, the person who was everything for you, today means nothing to you. Everybody makes mistakes but nobody wants to forgive. With time i have learnt that loosing a friend doesn't require any efforts, making a friend is difficult but remaking a friend is most difficult. It demands forgiveness, a big heart to accept mistakes, it demands you to forget all your complexities your ego and hug someone, someone who never meant to hurt you who is waiting for you to hold his hand again and take him to a journey of life time, take him again to the journey of Friendship.


This Diwali, i have this small gift for you which will be the gift you will treasure for a long time,i have a message which might bring back those lost days, bring back those smiles which you once had. Wake up, its time to say sorry or its time to forgive, its time to remake friends, its time to run to that special friend who might be around you but even then you miss him. Its time to ask that special person whom you miss, Will you be my Friend Again ? I hope for most of you the answer will be YES. Happy Diwali Everyone!!

Finally the day has come, Was I waiting for it ? No. How do I feel ? Normal, seriously I m not feeling special as others do on their birthdays. How do I plan to celebrate ? I doubt I m gonna celebrate. Sounds boring ,doesn't it?. I am in office currently and plan to rush from here to my music class. I hope my teacher gives me the notes which I have asked him from quite a while and I am eagerly waiting for it. That would be great birthday gift for me.

I did sleep early last night as I forgot for some time that 7th is coming and I might get some calls after 12. When I woke up in the morning and I saw a total of 20 messages and missed calls I realized that 7th has arrived. Happy birthday Preetam. Happy birthday for surviving one more year which involved quite a few professional and personal issues. Thank God the year is over and I hope with it even all those issues are gone from my life forever.

I am still wandering why did I start writing and what should I write about ? I am not even sure whether I am going to publish this post or it will remain unpublished and remain in my documents like 10 such posts. Should I write about my birthday wishes ? Na, not many wishes this time like last year. I just wish a year in which I can live upto the expectations of others and don’t disappoint anyone.

So what does this birthday means to me? How was my last 1 year ?How do I plan to make the coming year better ?
Birthdays has brought mixed feelings for me. This day I do look back at the last year and figure out things which dint go well and how can I make the coming year better.

Last year was not that good and there are many reasons behind it. I wont disclose them. Frankly speaking I would like to forget it soon and move. In the next year fresh and full of energy. On the financial front last year was quite good as I learned how can I earn more than being happy with my job earnings. Made some good friends though I think I am still lacking reliable friends or may be I still expect more from friends.

About the next year i cant promise much to myself. Its not like I have not planned but a few of my planned things depend on others. I guess this is one more reason I am expecting some reliability from friends. Actually I am living 2 of my big dreams and planning to achieve them. Out of them 1 is totally dependent on me and I am confident of it. In Next 1 year I also wish to find true love but I know its going to be very difficult. 1st question that raises in my mind is that Does it exist ? Time will say.

Nothing else actually. This is one of those post which I started writing casually as I was having a tough time in office. Decided to leave work and started writing. I hope I will blog a bit regularly. Actually have been a bit busy off late but I am loving it. By the way , I hope along with me even all of you have a wonderful year ahead. God bless.

It has been long when I last addressed a crowd. I have always liked to share my experiences if I feel I can make even a small difference. My music class decided to have a music show on the occasion of Guru Poornima. It was my first, it was the 1st time I ll be playing music on stage. This shoow also gave me an opportunity to share my views on what has been my experiences and I was never gonna miss it. I did prepare a speech and rehearsed it couple of times so that I can leave at least a small impact. The time arrived, the stage was set, i was feeling a bit nervous before i actually started.

Good evening Everyone.
I am Preetam Adwani, I always wanted to learn music but I never knew when. I was actually waiting for the right period to come. A period when I can dedicate some of my time to this subject called Music. It was difficult, initially it was highly difficult to find a music class. I remember roaming on the streets of pune during my office hours searching for a music class, but nothing satisfied me. I was lucky enough to come across Achievement Classes ( my music class) or u can call me a fool who had such a good class nearby and I was roaming on the streets of Pune city .

Music has helped me to rediscover life. Life was not good when I actually started learning but today I am very happy standing here.

I would like to mention a few things

1st (Looking at my music teacher) Thanks to Sir, Thanks a lot for your patience, I guess it was absolutely necessary for a slow learner like me. Initially we all start thinking Nothing is impossible, when we come across a few obstacles we start feeling few things are impossible and when the difficulty we feel Success is impossible. I guess it was that time when I was finding it extremely difficult to find time to practice my lessons , Sir motivated me and I continued learning and I will continue it throughout my life now.

2nd I deeply admire him for his quality of maintaining a smile. We all come across bad days but Sir has this unbelievable power to maintain a smile even in bad situations. He continues to inspire me and I wish to learn this quality from him someday.

Never take life too seriously, or you will be serious soon. Enjoy it, Carry a bundle of jokes daily and crack them as often as possible. Make friends, fight with them and be friends again. Dont miss an oppurtunity to be naughty, make mistakes, learn from experiences, Fall in Love. Make sure nothing stops you from enjoying Life. Don't do everything for your profit, think beyond it. Life is beautiful but it depends on the person how much he/she enjoys it.

Coming back to Music,
Music has been and will always be an integral part of my life. I hope the same is true for all of you. It multiplies happiness and reduces sorrows, It takes away the worst feeling, the feeling of loneliness away from you. I can't imagine life without music, Life without music, I guess would be a blunder. When I remove music from this world, I see only darkness.

I hope all of you are enjoying the show, I hope all of you continue to do the same, I hope all of you take away some good things from here, infact I gurantee you will. Thanks for bearing me, Thanks everyone.